The Worthiness Work: Why You Sabotage Right Before Breakthrough
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I spent three weeks testing email providers.
Flowdesk. MailerLite. ConvertKit. Mailchimp. Each one got a free trial. Each one got my full attention. I'd play with the templates, test the automation, and compare the features. By the time I hit provider number five, I already knew which one I wanted.
But I kept going.
Why? Because as long as I was "doing my research," I didn't have to actually connect with my audience. I didn't have to hit send. I could stay in the safe zone of preparation and call it practical.
That's self-sabotage. And it's sneakier than you think.
When Strategy Becomes Stalling
Self-sabotage doesn't announce itself. It shows up wearing the mask of caution, self-care, or being realistic. It feels responsible. Smart, even.
You're on the edge of something big. A client wants to sign. Your offer is ready to launch. You're about to charge what you're worth for the first time.
And suddenly, you need to reorganize your entire business model.
Sound familiar?
Most women I work with don't realize they're self-sabotaging until I name it. Because when you're in it, it looks like logic. It feels like wisdom. You're just being thorough. You're making sure it's right.
But underneath? Your nervous system is screaming.
The Four Patterns
The Perfection Trap. Nothing's ever quite ready. Your website needs one more tweak. Your offer needs more polish. You need another certification before you're qualified enough to charge what you want.
I held my signature program, Purpose to Profit, in my head for five years before I launched it. Five years. The program I knew I was here to create. The one that felt like my entire purpose distilled into a framework.
Instead, I launched Living on Purpose first. A beautiful program. A necessary program. But not the main thing.
Why? I convinced myself I wasn't ready for Purpose to Profit yet. That the world needed to see me prove myself first. That I needed to be better before I could launch the real thing.
Ready is something you become by doing the thing. Not before it.
The Distraction Spiral. You're about to launch, and suddenly you need to rebrand. A client's ready to sign, and you're reorganizing your entire service menu. You abandon what's working to chase something new and shiny.
Like me, combining programs instead of just launching the one I knew would work. Playing with templates when I should have been hitting send.
The Visibility Shutdown. You're posting consistently. Building momentum. People are responding. And then you go dark. Radio silent. You second-guess every post, every message, every piece of content until you convince yourself no one wants to hear it anyway.
So you stop showing up.
The Price Drop Panic. Someone asks about your pricing and you immediately offer a discount. Or the number you quote is $500 lower than what you'd planned. You undercharge because "they can't afford it" when really, you don't believe you're worth it.
Early in my coaching journey, I sat in on a group call. Someone mentioned they'd paid $5,500 for three months of coaching from a program graduate. Same training I had. And my first thought? "She paid that much for that?"
If I felt that about her work, that's how I felt about mine.
Your outer world reflects your inner reality. Always.
Why It Happens Right Before Breakthrough
Breakthrough requires you to become someone new.
Someone who has paying clients. Someone who charges what she's worth. Someone who's visible and successful.
Your nervous system looks at that version of you and panics. This is unfamiliar territory. Dangerous. Unsafe.
So it activates. Fight, flight, fawn. And suddenly you're spiraling into perfectionism, or procrastination, or self-doubt. Your brain is trying to protect you by keeping you exactly where you are.
It’s not strategy that's failing you. Its capacity.
The Three Layers
Layer one: I'm not good enough yet. You need more training, more experience, more proof before you're allowed to succeed. (That's my line one investigator energy talking, by the way. Always needing to know more before feeling ready.)
Layer two: People like me don't get to have this. Women from my background don't become wealthy. People who look like me shouldn't be this visible. This kind of success isn't for someone with my story.
Layer three: If I succeed, I'll lose something important. Your identity. Your relationships. Your values. You'll become someone you don't recognize. Someone you don't want to be.
All three are lies. But your nervous system believes them.
The Container Metaphor
Imagine your nervous system is a jar. Half full. That's your baseline. The weight you're comfortable holding.
Income, visibility, success. You've operated at a certain level for so long that your system is regulated there. It's just how things are.
But when you start exceeding that level? The jar starts to feel small. Too full. Uncomfortable.
You land a high-paying client and immediately get sick. You have your best sales month ever and the next month crashes. Your nervous system hasn't expanded yet. It can't hold the new version of your success.
So it self-corrects. Back to the familiar baseline.
You need a bigger jar.
The Alignment Vault: Your HD + NLP Reconditioning Toolkit
Inside, you'll find:
Practices for when you need clarity on what's next
Money and abundance deconditioning work
Nervous system resets when you're overwhelmed
Tools for when fear or doubt shows up
What Actually Works
Name it when it's happening. The moment you catch yourself procrastinating or overcomplicating or pulling back, pause. Ask yourself: Am I responding to a real problem or am I afraid of the next level?
Just naming it takes away the power.
Regulate your nervous system. Box breathing. Four counts in, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Humming activates your vagus nerve. Moving your body. Bilateral tapping (alternating taps on your thighs or shoulders while reminding yourself you're safe).
When your nervous system is activated, you literally cannot access the part of your brain that makes good decisions. Regulate first. Then act.
Expand your worthiness container. Practice receiving in small ways. Let someone buy you coffee without feeling like you owe them. Accept a compliment without deflecting. Receive support without immediately trying to pay it back.
Your nervous system needs evidence that it's safe to hold more.
Take action anyway. Better done than perfect. Better messy than not at all.
I released Purpose to Profit because I kept having conversations where I knew it was the right offer for the person in front of me. But I couldn't offer it because it "wasn't ready yet."
So I launched it. Messy. Imperfect. Not fully baked.
And it worked. It's evolved since then, yes. But the core? The same as it was in my head for five years.
Your worthiness builds from the evidence you create. Send the email. Share the post. Hold your price.
The breakthrough happens on the other side of the discomfort.
Your Move
One thing you're self-sabotaging right now. You know what it is.
Name it out loud.
Then ask: What would it look like to take one small action here, even though I'm scared?
You don't need to feel ready. You just need to move.
Listen to the Full Episode
In this episode of Worthy of Wealth, I dive deep into:
The five most common self-sabotage patterns for early-stage entrepreneurs
Why your nervous system fights your success (and what to do about it)
The three layers of unworthiness that keep you stuck
How to regulate your nervous system when you're in self-sabotage mode
The daily worthiness work that expands your capacity for receiving
Listen Now:
What's Next?
Want to identify the specific block holding you back? Take the free Prosperity Block Quiz to see what's really in your way and how to move through it.
Ready to stop self-sabotaging and build the aligned business you actually want? Book a strategy session and let's get clear on where you are, where you want to go, and exactly how to get there.
About the Author:
Matalya Onuoha is a Human Design Strategist and Clarity-to-Prosperity Guide for Women & Teams. She helps women transform confusion into clarity and purpose into prosperity using Human Design, NLP, and somatic techniques. Host of the Worthy of Wealth podcast.
